Ephesians 5:21-33
SUBMISSION – FIRST TO THE LORD,
THEN TO ONE ANOTHER
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You can compare a verse in many different versions as well.
Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the
fear of God.
Reformation
Study Bible
5:21 This transitional verse is last in a
series of expressions explaining the effects of being filled with the Spirit (vv. 19–21note). Regardless of their social
rank, all Christians should pattern their social behavior on the humility and
kindness of Christ (4:32–5:2; cf. Luke 22:24–27; John 13:14–16). This submission “to one another” is the basis for the
forms of authority in specific relationships discussed in 5:22–6:9.
Strong’s Exhaustive
Concordance of the Bible:
Submitting - hupŏtassō5293
– to subordinate; reflex. to obey: - be under obedience (obedient), put under,
subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under),
submit self unto.
Fear - phŏbŏs5401
- (to be put in fear); alarm or fright: be afraid, + exceedingly, fear, terror.
Submitting is on the order of a soldier
submitting to his superior officer, not because one is smarter or better than the other but because
that is the established line of authority, the established protocol. We submit to one
another, subordinate our
desires to those of a brother or sister in Christ, out of reverence for Christ as the head of
the body. Our fear of the Lord
as supreme authority is tempered by His grace and love for us. Fear and reverence is a holy awe for Jesus.
The Lord’s wisdom is superior to my limited understanding. We submit to one
another to honor the Lord and out of respect for His supremacy.
The following verses include specific
instructions to husbands and wives but are also a picture of our relationship
with Jesus as His bride. We will highlight words pertaining to wives being in
submission to their husbands in fuchsia and verses about the husbands’ responsibility to love
their wives in aqua. In the highlighting, we are noting that the
wives are told three times to submit/respect their husbands, while the husbands
are told 4 times to love their wives and once to cleave or hold fast to their
wives. We must remember that the marriage relationship between believers is
based on the mutual submission to each other and mutual respect for each other
because of our shared love of Christ.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto
the Lord.
The covenant nuclear family begins with God,
the husband, and the wife. The siblings
and the parents of the couple become each other’s family. Children are not the
beginning of the family. They are an addition to what God has joined together
as a divine representation of Christ to his bride, the church. The husband is
to provide, protect, to nurture and to cause the wife to flourish in her
identity and giftings, abilities and divine purposes God has placed within her. Note: this
command is to submit to her own husband only. Women are in no way inferior to
men in God’s economy. The submission here is as above, the submission in
military order. God has ordained that the husband be the leader in the home, so
the wife willingly places herself under him in rank. This does not mean that
she has no voice because, as we will see, her husband earns this respect by his
sacrificial love for her as an example of how Jesus loves His bride, the
church.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Christ leads the church with grace and love.
It is His role as Savior that the husband must strive to imitate. If both husband and wife are submitted to the Lord and seeking
to grow in His grace, the relationship will be strong. I like the ladder illustration. If a husband is on one side of a
ladder, and his wife is on the other; they will be getting closer together as
long as they are both climbing. If one stands still and the other continues to
climb, they become farther apart. If
both people are “climbing” toward the Lord, they will grow ever closer; but if
one stops, they grow farther apart. All of this instruction about husbands and
wives presupposes that they are both submitted to the Lord Jesus.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so
let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it;
If the husband is loving the wife in the
self-sacrificing, edifying manner exemplified by Jesus, she will have no
problem submitting to him and respecting him. Since the
husband is the leader in this process, much of the responsibility rests upon
him – a heavy load if he is trying to maintain this kind of love in his own
strength. He must be looking to his
Head, the Lord Jesus for the power to love sacrificially. If the husband is loving, nurturing, and exhorting the wife, she
will have no problem willingly submitting to his leadership. If he is lording it over her as other
cultures do, it will cause her to head toward a rebellious end. When the wife
defers to the husband in decision making, and he is in error, she is protected
because she submitted to him. The husband and wife work
together to lead their home, but he bears the most responsibility and needs to
be sure he is rooted and grounded in the Word and submitted fully to the Lord. A wise man will include his wife in all matters and listen to
her counsel, weighing it against the Word. A woman’s
subjection to her husband, likewise, does not supersede her submission to the
Lord Jesus. Any time she is asked to choose between following her husband or
obeying Jesus, she must follow the Lord.
Ephesians 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a
glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it
should be holy and without blemish.
The Lord’s leadership of His bride, the
church, is designed to strengthen, purify, and glorify her. His commands and
instructions in the Bible are always for our good and to sanctify us, make us
more and more like Jesus.
Romans 8:28-29 (NASB) And we know that God
causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who
are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also
predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be
the firstborn among many brethren;
Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and
cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
The husband should nurture and treasure his
wife as a priceless gift. He should make every effort
to build her up and help her to be everything the Lord has called her to be. He should encourage her to excel in her God given purposes. The
husband should be leading out in seeking to grow in the knowledge of the word.
He should be encouraging his wife in her walk with the Lord, and they should be
praying together. He should edify, exhort, and console his wife. He should be
her biggest cheering section, like a life coach in her ear. There is a
difference between being “in love” with yourself and loving yourself. The
husband must have holy esteem for his own person in order to love the wife as
himself.
Ephesians 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh,
and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,
and shall be joined unto his
wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
We are each members of the body of Christ and
as such are engulfed in His love. When the husband and wife truly understand
the intimacy of becoming one flesh, they realize they are each a part of the
other. They should “cleave,” cling to one another and not seek that type of
intimacy from anyone else. The husband should not let
his eyes wildly gaze to another, but fix his eyes on his own wife. This is the
covenant the man made to his wife and to God. The ideal bird is not the peacock
but the eagle who brings the wife into soaring heights. Eagles mate for
life. The respect or reverence the wife
has for the husband is like our “fear” of the Lord. We can give this reverence
because he is loving us without condition, a love like we have never
experienced before. A husband needs to love His wife
as the Lord loves the church, love to the point of
overwhelming her and catching her by surprise.
Ephesians 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak
concerning Christ and the church.
Jesus completely cares for His bride,
encouraging, nourishing, and strengthening the body of believers because we are
in Him and He is in us. He prayed for us that we would be one as He and the
Father are one (John 17), and I believe this is especially crucial in the
marriage relationship which should be a picture of Jesus’ love for the church.
Our homes are designed to be a witness to a world deeply in need of the
Savior’s love and light.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in
particular so love his
wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
In the cultural climate of the early church,
it was expected that the woman would reverence her husband. The new teaching
here is that the husband love his wife sacrificially. The wife is then the willingly submissive
partner to her husband. As the husband submits to the
Lord’s leadership and purposely subordinates his own needs to those of his
wife, she will easily return his love. As both partners submit to and respect
each other by the grace of God, they will become one in Him. The Christian marriage
covenant is really a covenant between a man, a woman, and their Lord. This is a prescription for a contented marriage. The marriage
relationship affects every other facet of the couple’s lives, but it is especially essential to their relationship with the
Lord as it should be a reflection of His love for His church. Our homes are an
integral part of our witness to a lost and dying world around us. We need to
build them on the solid foundation of the word of God.
1.
Being
the head of the home does not mean being the dictator. The husband should be
the facilitator of his wife’s wellbeing.
He should nurture, nourish, exhort, and encourage her by being the chief
cheerleader, life coach, and her soft place to fall.
2.
The
husband has to have a proper view of himself as a sinner saved by grace. He
cannot be a peacock that has to see himself from every angle to admire
himself. He needs to be a male eagle who
commits to his wife for life. He loves
himself because he knows he is loved. He
is NOT in love WITH himself.
As
a wife in covenant first with the Lord and second with her husband that she has
chosen to become one with, she needs to respond in such a way that she builds
her husband’s esteem by offering, with her words as his complement, honor and
dignity to build his character. As she strengthens her relationship to Christ,
and submits to Jesus first and then her husband, their relationship will be a
positive witness for the Lord and will flourish. In this way, she maintains the
strength of the three-fold cord (God, husband, wife).
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